Lost
by furufuru-chan
Summary: He lost his control...and it seems like he lost everything. (Gore)
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys…I've planned about making this story last year…and now, I decided to make it already. It's been bugging me, y'know. So…enjoy!

**Title: Lost**

**Summary: He lost his control…he loses her, and it seems like he lost everything. **

**Author: furufuru-chan**

**Pairing: Lelouch x CC**

It was raining that night. It was cozy and silent in his room. He was sitting on his sofa; thinking about what he did to her…his dear friend, almost his lover…that he has killed her father. He knows he never knew it, but the look on her eyes, her tears, and her voice, everything made him guilty. His heart ached, he couldn't even do anything…but she threw herself to him, seeking for comfort. He fell to the spell, and hugged her closer. They stood in there in the middle of the rain; letting all the sadness fade away, even for a moment.

"Do you regret it?" a cold voice spoke through the room. The witch; who has started everything. "That your friend's father was caught up in all these?"

"Shut-up."

"You were accusing Kirihara being too soft…but it turns out you're the soft one," she murmurs. "What happened to the path of blood?"

"Shut-up…"

"All had lovers and friends, they even left their loved ones just to be your pawn, so don't tell me she's anything different," she hugs Cheese-kun tighter. "It's just a father of hers…" she closed her eyes and opened it again, "Maybe you're falling in love already."

"Shuddap…!"

"What does that mean? One kiss and you fall to pieces then huh?" her voice, getting tenser.

Hearing that, he raged with anger that he turned his head towards her swiftly with his eyes filled with guilt and heat. His teeth gnashed.

She smirks. "You're just a spoiled little boy with a bag fat mouth, with a swollen head."

Without even noticing, he has pinned her on the bed with her wrists beside her head. He looked at her with his angry, fuming, lavender eyes. Despite how angry it looks, her amber ones are unwavering. It bore straight to his eyes.

"Don't tell me you're gonna disappoint me, or will you?" she said. Her voice is cold, unlike Shirley. It was cheerful, it was happy…it was so full of hope. Yet he has killed her father. But no. It is only normal. He has killed thousands of people already. He has used people as his pawns. But why…? Why does he feel so guilty? He already assured that he's ready to walk the path of blood.

_Maybe you're falling in love already._

Her voice rang through his mind. Yes. Maybe that's the reason why. But he mustn't. He's got no time for that. He has set his goal for Nunnaly. He has guaranteed that he will keep straight…and that made him furious. Because how stupid could he get? No…he promised CC he will fulfill her…he will.

His blood boiled. He felt guilty. But it was his fault. It was already too late do anything now. He needs something to pour his anger on, and there's only one thing…

He had a knife; he stabbed her.

She didn't say anything, but a whim.

He stabbed at her again, but this time, on her chest. He needs to make her scream, to satisfy his rage.

She only let out a groan; controlling her scream.

Hearing that, he stabbed her at the same place, he stabbed at continuously. He heard her scream, pleading for him to stop it already. He liked it, he was filling with excitement to hear her more. He's laughing as her blood spluttered on his face, on the floor.

He eventually stopped. He looked at the witch, only to be covered by her own blood. Her chest turned into a dark, dark crimson red. He could see her flesh freshly cut open as blood try to flow out of it. Her eyes were open; it was staring blankly. It shows the agony she just felt a while ago. The yellow blob, it was soaked with red.

His eyes didn't shine. He stood up lazily, his feet like a drunkard. He was spluttered by her blood too. His mind is lost; he was out of control. He still couldn't process the scene clearly.

He went straight to the shower.

Fresh from the bath, he has calmed his brain already. Yet, it was still thinking of Shirley. This entire time, it was her that was on his mind.

He stopped and looked at the green-haired witch, only lying on the mattress with her feet dangling as her blood slowly dripped down to her toes and to the floor with the sound of _tick tick tick…_

Her body was a complete dead figure. It didn't move or anything…a complete plain corpse.

The mattress was soaked with blood too…but it didn't bother him. He was too tired. So he slumped on the sofa, and waited for the next day to come.

**a/n: Well, well, did you like it? Hey, I need your reviews. Chapter 2 is next! Bye-bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

The room reeked of the familiar metallic odor. The smell of it made his head spin, sending out images of people he has killed by his hands…or should I say, his words? Yet suddenly, one image stood out; a body of a man, bloody with bullet holes, yet under the soil and gravel, he can still see the man's eyes, dead and empty, bearing the agony of being buried alive while he still have two important people to live, to love, yet without even knowing why, he was killed. Killed by somebody who never knew what love meant.

Funny.

Of course he does. That was the reason he was doing all of these-it's because of his love for his sister. Love, that led him through the path of blood. Love that masked his every softest side and covered them with cold and murderous ones. Then what happened? Did that mask just shatter?

His eyes wandered to the dead body beside him. Now this is where the smell was coming from. The witch's body hung limply, lifeless and bloody. She was covered in crimson…she was soaked in her own blood. Her once beautiful orbs stared at him, unwavering. All the life has been drained from her, rosy lips turned white and her skin was deathly pale.

He realized he just killed her…last night. She was the one whom he poured out his anger to. She told him how naïve he was… that he was just a little boy inside. She told him how stupid he is for deciding to walk through the path of blood when just a little kiss from a woman breaks down his very cold mask. He then realized she was right. Guilt and anger erupted inside him for no one but himself. The next thing he knew, he was stabbing her. Her muffled screams sent pleasure to him, and made him stab her more. More…yes. Warm liquid splashed on his face. Blood. Oh, it felt good. To kill feels good. He was laughing. Laughing because of how killing sent a rippling pleasure to him.

…but what has this woman done wrong?

It struck him. What had she really done wrong? She was right, wasn't she? She was stating a clear fact. A clear fact he can't just accept.

Reality suddenly slapped him. What did he just do? The room was a mess. Blood splatters were everywhere. Suddenly he was felt a wave of nausea. His stomach started to churn. It has been so long when he felt like this. He was caught off guard.

He started to shake her, in vain attempt to wake her up. His voice wavered, calling out her name panic. But the damage was too much. He was disappointed with himself. He was losing control. Good thing, this woman is immortal. She's going to live. She will.

"Ne Lelouch, why don't you go there and comfort Shirley?" Milly held his shoulders. She gave him a sad smile. "I know you're the one she needs right now. Please." Milly pointed at the girl sitting alone; alone in her world of misery and confusion. She looked so helpless and alone.

Yet Shirley heard it. She gasped, as if she was just back to life. She looked at their direction particularly at Lelouch, in surprise. Tired emerald eyes wide open. She tried to smile.

"I-I'm okay now…! I'll just find time to recover all the way through! P-Pardon me," she faked out in her usual, optimistic voice, and after that, she hurriedly walked out of their sight. Both of Shirley and him knew the reason why she was acting like this.

The next thing he knew, he was chasing after her. Shouting her name. Trying to stop her from running away from him. Finally she stopped. Yet she didn't turn around from him. She simply stopped, to show that she could hear him, but to show the fact that she couldn't just face him. Especially because of what happened between _them._

He paused behind her, gasping for air. "Shirley, please…Let's talk about this…" he grabbed her arm so that she could face him. Still, she averted her gaze away from his eyes.

He was so tall and she was so petite in front of him. They both fit so perfectly well, and both of them knew that the moment their bodies met each other, so are their lips. She couldn't shake the image and the sensation of him on her lips. The warmth…and the comfort.

"Lulu…I-I'm sorry…I didn't mean to-" She stuttered.

Once again, tears were threatening to spill. But she can't. She can't afford herself to look so vulnerable and so helpless and let herself long for him until she throws herself to him again and seek for comfort.

"No. It's not your fault, Shirley." He held her shoulders firmly, just like his voice. He forced her to look at him. Helpless emerald eyes stared at him, seeking for the same thing like they did before.

As predicted, she threw herself unto him again. Finally gave up from saying that she could continue on without him. Without his ever loving warmth and comfort. Oh, what a pathetic girl she is.

He wrapped the woman closer to him; willing to offer her the comfort she needed for what he has done to her life. He caressed her soft ginger hair and whispered comfort to her.

"What am I gonna do now, Lulu? I-I just can't…! My dad-"

But he shushed her before she even breaks down completely. His shirt was getting damp from the tears she was shedding. Back then, she realized she hasn't cried enough.

He felt a pang of guilt in his heart. Please. He's had enough. He hasn't grown yet. He was still a boy and a human inside after all.

_Humans are so weak, aren't they?_

Her voice reverberated off just as he thought he saw a glimpse of her emerald locks a few good meters away. He froze. Unable to comprehend what he saw. Even for a while, he forgot about the whimpers and the crying girl embraced tightly on him. But before blinking his eyes, he saw her look at their direction. Dead, cold eyes gazed unwaveringly at them.

After that, she was gone.

Banging his door open, he scanned his room, eyes like hawk. Just as predicted, she was gone. The bloody sheets were ruffled but without the dead woman there that lied down before. He didn't care if his room was still a mess.

But there was one thing, he can't lose her…he wouldn't let him…

He found himself running through the streets. Asking people if they could have seen someone like her. Her green hair would be a good definition. She was the only person he thinks would have a hair like that.

He occasionally stopped, gasping for air. Yet unexpectedly, the sky turned black as nimbus clouds covered it as rain poured eagerly on him, challenging him to search for her more.

However, he continued on. Not caring about what the cold rain would have an effect on him. He simply didn't care. Because on his mind, it was all about her, and he wouldn't lose her completely.

Just when he came to a halt, he thought he was dreaming. But he knew he wasn't. All alone in an abandoned bench sat CC. Her body was relaxed, calmly taking in the pouring rain. Face upwards, her eyes were closed peacefully and let the rain wash away everything that happened.

_"__You filthy child! How could you even do the same mistakes all over again?!" the woman scolded her. _

_Suddenly, the child felt a great impact on her cheeks. She's been slapped again. Over, and over and over again. This was her life. _

_"__I'm sorry m-"_

_Before even she could finish her apology, she felt a sharp, burning pain against her flash. The same thing happened. And again. Blood slowly began to trickle down her back. She was being whipped for a reason that isn't even worse than spilling a single rice on her plate. _

_"__Burn! Burn her!" the people demanded. She saw nothing but faces of anger towards nothing but her._

_The next thing she knew, fire was eating her up. She smelled burning flesh and she knew it was hers. Tears was starting to trickle down her cheek as the fire slowly yet agonizingly painful. Her tears weren't able to reach down her chin as the fire made them evaporate._

_She was screaming. Yet no sound came out. The fire dried up her throat. Oh dear God, how long? Still, with all her might, she forced a sound, but no help came…in her life, help was just nothing but a mirage that disappears long before she even touches it._

She could hear him. She could feel him. And she could feel his guilt right beside her. Guilt huh? Guilt for hurting her? Thinking about it seemed quite funny to her right now. It's been so long when she met someone feel sorry about doing something wrong to her…wait. Maybe the first time. Yes. The first time if ever you won't count the people she Geassed.

His heart thundering in his chest, he approached her. The grey witch gracefully opened her eyes and gazed at him.

"If ever you're angry at me for leaving your room a mess, I just wanted to excuse out for a little bit. You're room seems to suffocate me."

Hearing her voice sent a rushing relief on him. Yet shame was then starting to build up inside him.

"CC, this is no time for joke."

"Well I'm not." Her gaze tensed. "If you're so angry at me and wanted to do that again, well, it's up to you. You can even go as far as burning me at stake if you wanted. I'm long gone anyway. But well at least warn me even for a bit before doing so. That shocked me a little, you know."

She smirked at how stiff he went. Suddenly she stood up. Facing him, amethyst crashing with gold.

"CC, I lost-"

"You don't need to be sorry. Remember the fact that I'm just using you to fulfill my wishes." But then she brushed past him. She paused. "Humans are weak. However, remember that you've decided to walk the path of blood, and there's no turning back."

Just as when she continued on, Lelouch grabbed her wrist, making her look at him in surprise.

"Lelouch?"

He bit his lips. "So if you say that I've decided to walk the path of blood, do you think I'd be able to do it alone?"

He let go of her wrist. "Therefore, I need you CC. But I can't afford losing an accomplice. Seems like I lost my control that time huh and has hurt you unexpectedly. Yet I want to tell you something," he looked at her. Violet eyes strong and firm. She was surprised now. Her wide amber eyes gazed at him in shock.

He then gazed down. Ashamed at what he did. His voice was breaking down, as if pleading.

"I'm sorry, CC… I won't…I can't lose somebody else anymore. I just need you. And I don't want to lose you."

**A/N: LOL. I think that was kinda an ending huh. But gaaah! Lelouchxshirley scenes hurts me. Geez. Sorry to say this for some luluxshirley fans but…I despise their pairing. Really. **

**Anways, I'm so sorry for the late- super late update. I was too busy with my lelouchxcc story, Summer Paradise. **

**But tell me what you think about this. Criticisms are welcome~ (^_^) XD Thanks guys~**


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